We took several days and a rental car and drove north along the coast from San Juan to Arecibo, stopping frequently to seek out hidden gems: dramatic rocky beaches, roadside tiki bars, and allll the pinchos. Then it was south to Utuado, complete with waterfalls and charcos, camping on a coffee plantation, and sleeping in a treehouse. And back up to San Juan via the infamous–and delicious–Pork Highway.

We stopped in Arecibo to explore another section of otherworldly shoreline, and afterward parked ourselves at a Tiki bar on someone’s lawn to catch our breath. There are a gazillion awesome little spots like that that we kept seeing while we were driving, and we stopped at a handful. They range from a food truck-type kiosk with a couple of patio tables and chairs all the way up to permanent buildings with a pool table and bathrooms, but they all have a couple things in common: cheap bottles of beer (Medalla is the local Coors) and a very chill vibe.

Personally, I was on a mission to drink as many pina coladas as possible. I don’t typically drink sweet or fruity mixed drinks, but pina coladas in their birthplace are fresh-tasting, airy, and made from scratch one blender at a time in these little roadside bars–a 180 from the cans of Dole in most bars on the mainland U.S.

Note: Your best choice for rum is not Bacardi here! Yes they’re a big tourist draw and it might be cool to tour the distillery, but order Don Q or, for really nice rum and deep pockets, Barrilito.

We drove south from Arecibo into the mountains on Highway 10 and all of a sudden were making really good time. The road here is new, paved, and a straight shot, which we wouldn’t see again until we drove out of the other side of the Cordillera Central. The narrow, twisty mountain roads with long views around every other corner were a hallmark of the next section of our road trip, and we were smitten.

Utuado is a cool little mountain town perched on both sides of a river, and could be a great home base if you have several days to explore the area on day trips. CK had found us an incredible treehouse airbnb nestled in old-growth forest on a hill over the river, built by hand by the owner. This remarkable gentleman met us there and showed us around his lovely sanctuary.

We had a luxurious couple of days in our treehouse, cooking in the galley kitchen and enjoying the balcony overlooking the river. It felt remote and the only sounds we heard were the multitudes of different species of birds, although we were just up the hill from town.

Next we were off to find Charco El Ataud in Adjuntas, which I’d read about online with somewhat fuzzy directions, popular with locals but under the radar (we hoped) for tourists. After some creative navigating, we found the pull-off for parking and the trailhead, and followed it steeply downhill to the swimming hole and multiple waterfalls.

After a full day of swimming and watching local teenagers jump off the high rocks into the pool (super entertaining, it gave me a huge adrenaline rush just to watch!), we were off to hunt out our camping spot for the night.

I’d reserved a tent site at a coffee farm via Hipcamp, with good reviews and a ton of gorgeous photos. We followed the directions to a T, but the last few directions were to “follow the signs.” Hmm you guessed it, no signs. We cruised all over that mountainside, turning around at dead ends, almost getting stuck in a few spots, waiting for a call or text back from the owner, but no dice. Finally we parked at the gps coordinates listed in the ad, and CK walked down to the river to look for the campsite while I walked up the hill to the nearest house. It was starting to get dark, and one way or the other, we were gonna find a spot to pitch our tent!

Still no dice and we were sitting in the open trunk of our rental car spitballing options, when a young staff person of the coffee farm ran down the hill and introduced herself as a summer worker who’d just gotten into town herself, and showed us the outdoors bathroom in the staff bunkhouse, where we were welcome to use the toilet during our stay. Excellent!

We got our old workhorse Sierra Designs Asp 3p set up next to the river and settled in for the night.

And then, a raindrop. And another raindrop. Fuck.

The Asp is a fabulous tent, very roomy but ultralight for its time (10 years ago?), weighing just about 5lbs and packing down pretty small. I hate to retire gear that I love, so I had meticulously refurbished the bathtub floor and rainfly at the end of last summer, washing out the rest of the old waterproofing and then resealing with a combination of Gear Aid Tentsure and Nikwax waterproofing spray. I’d tested it out in the backyard after letting it cure for several days, and it had seemed like it worked then….

Luckily, CK had brought a backup tarp, just in case. We grabbed our extra guyline and dashed out into what was swiftly becoming a downpour, TOTALLY NUDE, and crashed through the heavy underbrush tying our wet, heavy tarp off to trees as swiftly as possible, trying to keep it over our sad leaking tent.

We refer to this night as the “Naked and Afraid” episode.

Finally the tarp was tied off tightly and in a functional-enough position, and we exchanged a high five and a huge bear hug. And then, like a faucet turning off, it stopped raining. We stood outside the tent dripping wet, wearing nothing but our headlamps, and all of a sudden it was dry and warm.

We burst out laughing.

CK sat on a log and smoked a cigarette.

It was a pretty great night.

The next morning, we were off to the mecca for CK’s favorite coffee of all time, Cafe Hacienda Tres Picachos. Oh man, driving up the mountainside into their roasting facilities and onsite cafe was like sticking your head into a bag of fresh beans–you could smell it before you could see it.

We enjoyed lattes and an omelette in the cafe with its wraparound balcony, bought some coffee in bulk to take home, and were treated to a tour of the roasting facility from the super friendly staff.

From Jayuya, we drove south to the coast at Ponce, where we stopped at a roadside stall next to the stadium for pinchos, sorullitos de maiz dipped in mayo ketchup, and alcapurrias and chatted with the lovely vendor, who kept producing little samples of fried snacks for us to try while we waited for our order. We wished there was a baseball game happening so we could enjoy a festive event in the stadium, but settled for putting that on our bucket list for next time.

Our road trip continued along the southern coast and up the fabled Pork Highway, where we stopped at Doctor Lechon for spit-roasted pork with a side of rice and gandules.

After that, it was a quick jaunt up the highway to San Juan, where our very-tolerant friends helped us set up our camping stuff to dry on their back patio and we took a long nap, dreaming of charcos, rocky moonscapes, and highways of roasted pork.